Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
