Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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