i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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