You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
