i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
