Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
