fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
