elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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