I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
