this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just pee around me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
