Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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