Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
