The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
