I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
