I heard we made out
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
