I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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