Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
