why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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