Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
