we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
