i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this just has baby written all over it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
