I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
