I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
