Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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