I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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