Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im six kinds of drunk right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
