It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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