if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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