You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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