Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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