he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
