ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
