My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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