my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
