You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
