Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
