We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
