Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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