my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
