dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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