I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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