What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
