I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
