Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
