Someone shit on the floor
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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