It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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