Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
