She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
