the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
