I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
