covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
