I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
