and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
