And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i think my cat just said my name.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
