i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
