You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
