The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
