Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
false alarm, still single
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