I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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