mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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