I didn't shave. On purpose
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
