Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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