i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize