Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
