i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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