butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
