i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize